I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
