Will you blow on my dice?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize