goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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