That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
