i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
