I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
