we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Someone shit on the floor
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
