You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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