If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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