It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
