I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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