Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
