i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
