im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
