I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
