Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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