I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
