Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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