and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
