Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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