why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
