I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just cut my nipple shaving
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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