I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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