i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
