so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
