It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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