Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
