thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
