The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So vagazzling was a success
All I want is dick and wine.
And then he peed in my hair
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