where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
