Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
