In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
