Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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