those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize