i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
