Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
