I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
