I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
