I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
