This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everclear isn't food dammit
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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