This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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