Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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