Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
