If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
