Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
