mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
