I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
