We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
