I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
