i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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