Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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