he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They took my balls.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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