Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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