Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
