I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
