You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
me + whiskey = a bad person
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
