dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
