absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
