I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
