Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
