I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
