Can i not drive my cunt home
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
