I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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