What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
do nipples grow back?
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