Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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