I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
