Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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